Sunday, 16 June 2019

Places I've Cried in Public

Hello, my name is Boyana and I publish a blogpost once a year.

I am also a crier. It doesn't matter what kind of emotion I'm going through, if it's strong enough, it will most likely manifest itself in the form of snotty tears, which massively confuses everyone around me. 

I need to start by saying the idea of writing on this topic is not mine - I recently saw that Holly Bourne is going through the draft of her new book called "The places I've cried in public" and it obviously spoke to me. The title definitely makes me want to read the book and that's why I thought writing my own musings would be interesting especially for fellow criers out there. I doubt her book will be a list of the awkward situations she's put herself into but that's my interpretation of it. 

The plane 

I last cried on a plane about a week ago and it tends to repeat whenever I go back to the motherland for a period of time. For me crying on a plane or at the airport is connected to that special type of immigration sorrow, which I think every person who has lived away from home can understand to a certain degree.

Leaving my parents and friends to go and chase some nondescript dream in a foreign country has always been particularly difficult for me. I first moved to study, which lasted for three years. I then stayed on because I had a job and friends there. Even though now I have two places to call home, the flight from Bulgaria to the UK is always filled with guilt, a bit of anger and incredible sadness. 

I normally listen to music or read books which exacerbate the situation and I quietly weep next to people who stare at me awkwardly. The thing is, this has happened quite a lot of times so I am now immune to feeling embarrassed about it, I just let it happen until I accept the reality I have chosen and I sink back into daily life. 


Is there anyone who hasn't had a quiet office weep? Yes, I am sure there is but I'm a crier so there you go... On such occasions I tend to go to the ladies, get my cry on for 5 minutes and come out a new woman. 

Working in a severely corporate environment has lead me to question my existence several times, mostly when I feel like my work and effort go unappreciated (and that's an understatement) or some nasty person, significantly more senior, decides to bring hell upon me on a conference call simply because she cannot shut up for 3 minutes to hear me out. Or is that just me?

That's daily life in a workplace with a lot of egos and politics. I know we should let things like this go and a few months later none of it matters at all, but that sense of injustice has brought me to an edge several times. 

Also, I once cried at work because I realised I had been a bitch to a loved one so had a little weep because I felt like a horrible human being. Totally unrelated to the place but given I spend 80% of my time at work, it makes sense that I tend to cry there fairly regularly. 

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